Post your favourite stupid bystander's comment.

[rustynuts]

As riders of fairly unusual machines, we must all occasionally attract a bit of interest from bystanders when we park up, which results in a fairly predictable line of questioning, or occassionally a funny remark.My other half has sugested we get a stack of large cards printed up to deal off in the style of Bob Dylan's famous video for his song Subterranian Homesick Blues, saying things such as "yes, it is a rotary", "yes, you don't see many of them around" and "they only sold them to the police you know" etc.My favourite comment was from a Tim Nice But Dim type character who came up to us while in Brittany last year. He said that he rode a Norton in the sixties but didn't realise they still made them. I then had to inform him that they didn't and that the Interplod was actually 23 years old!

[kanonkopdrinker]

Quote from a bystander in Epping High Street on espying the W2000 ....'Ah! a Wankel! That's the engine with no moving parts, isn't it?' .... (and he was not making a joke)and anyone else with a Deek is bound to have had, 'Is it really 2000cc?'

[Ian]

"I've never heard a Commando that quiet!" (to my Commander)then (upon starting):"They always did burn oil didn't they?"Ian

[Interpol2471]

My best one on my IP2 was 'there the ones with the strange pistons aren't they?'

[Malc]

See gallery for shobba cartoon along these lines!

[gripper]

In a similar vein, I was selling a BSA Thunderbolt a few years ago and the prospective buyer, a gent (i use the term loosely) in his late fifties, claimed to have raced Triumph Bonnevilles and Daytonas in the sixties, but had never heard of a BSA Thunderbolt. He also had a droopy moustach and a registration on his 4x4 was 22 SAS. He became pretty cagey when I asked him if he knew a friend of mine in the SAS. and I started probing about when he served in Northern Ireland. Anyway he bought the bike and despite only living on the other side of town, I've never seen it since, or him.

[MrB]

Had a chap admire my Commanderpol whilst I was collecting it after an MoT test a few years back. "Very nice. I remember those very well" he said. "Thank you, I like it" I replied."Shame you spoiled it by putting a BMW fairing on it".

[johnbirchjar]

The Sprint fairing on my Classic really throws people,great fun though,(but sometimes it can take a bit of a while to get on ones way,)Come on,be honest, we love it really,(well I do,even after 10years,) J.B.

[Dell Boy]

I hate it. I park my bike & run away as quickly as possible. One of the several reasons I sold my F.1. was so as not to suffer 10 minutes of ludicrous,galling & frustrating conversation every time I stopped. J.B. is in his element with his bike `cos he`ll waffle on to anyone & everyone, whereas me, I`m the shy & retiring type!!! Derek.

[johnbirchjar]

Dell Boy!shy and retiring!! yeah right!!

[jpsrob]

Being the owner of 3 unusual machines Norton F1 Sport, Hesketh and a SilkI get the usual comments, Norton, where's the engine? and I rembember when there was 100s of these going cheap.Hesketh, What is it? My mate has 6 of these in his garage in Leytonstone.and the usual one i've heard of them but never seen one. As he/she stands there gawping at it.Silk is it a Suzuki?

[Interpol2471]

Changing the subject slightly I know of a Silk with running in miles only sitting in a shed with loads of spares but the owner will not part with it. How sad am I about the One day it will be mine

[Dell Boy]

I`m sorting out, at the moment, a 1934 Scott 500 engine complete with Japanese electric starter in a 1959 Norton Wideline frame. Christ I`m going to suffer when I park it up! Still it`s not much differrent to a Rotary. Clouds of smoke everywhere!! It`s called a Scotton. I reckon people will think it`s a Sports Cotton. Derek.

[Malc]

All these bystanders probably lived in the Derby area, a bit like the Jasper Carrot sketch where you always end up with the nutter sitting next to you on the bus. Well, I reckon they were all customers at the dealership where I used to work. On occasion when I came out of the workshop, the salesmen would play a game of guessing what type of bike the customer owned just by looking at him.A man came in and asked for a valve, "yes sir, what bike?" Its a Honda "Yes sir , what model?" Its a moped type."Is that a 50 then", no, I think its a 90."and is it an inlet or exhaust?" Dont know, it fits in the tyre!We were also main agents for Silks, better not say more oddball characters like rotary owners then!

[Malc]

Another 'customer' came in. This time a teenager, as noted by the fact that they could never lift their feet up properly when they shuffled in and never took their helmet off. This time with a scarf around his mouth as well, the question was "Ah go nu fu fier" Despite the midlands accent, this was translated into " Have you got a nut for an FS1E""And what is the nut for sir?" (thinking its got one behind the bars) Its for the wheel."Is that front or rear?"Er back one"Would that be the rear wheel spindle nut?"Its the one for the chain"Is that the sprocket carrier nut or adjustment nut then?"Dont know"Is that the large one or the small one?"Its one that broke off when I tightened it."Is the bike outside?"I go out to have look and chain has been skipping over sprockets, all the rear wheel is loose and there was no rear brake without the pedal nearly hitting the floor.Only needs a new nut dunnit? he mumbles

[Malc]

This is one of the police rider 'customers' (allegedly)Got called out on a very wet day to collect a police bike that had run into the back of a car.Car pulls up at zebra crossing, bike gently hits back of car leaving what looked like a small tyre mark on bumper, Rider has not fallen off, just skidded on wet road and touched back of car.Car driver makes fuss about whats happened, standard practice means bike taken back to workshops for inspection, nothing at all found wrong with bike and rider takes full responsibility and does not blame bike. I was told rider was fined for 'due care and attention'.Another rider on a driving course is continually told about getting too close to the vehicles in front.A few months later, after course, called out to collect bike as it has run into the back of a car!Bike badly damaged but rider just bruised. Rider not charged with 'due care and attention' (allegedly)Reason, rider had fallen off first and therefore had no control of bike when it hit car!

[Malc]

A police rider came in the workshop to say he had left his bike next door at the radio workshop, but thought the brakes felt a bit spongy on his way up from Derby. Went over to have a look, the brake didn't feel too bad and pumped up and stayed firm. Then pushed the bike off its centre stand and the problem was immediately noticable. The front wheel bearings had failed with the excess play allowing the discs to push the caliper pistons further back. The failure was almost certainly due to pressure washing around the front hub. The most surprising thing was that the advanced rider had not noticed this and but for the spongy brake would have carried on riding it!

[johnbirchjar]

Had a good chuckle at Malc's story obout "the valve",shades of "The Two Ronnies" "fourkandles",J.B.

[RotaryRecycle]

I have several... I LOVE it when people tell me the Hercules is 891 cc or the Re5 is 1491cc (due to the Rotor displacement X3).I have had Suzuki Dealers (note plural) accuse me of building my Re5 in the garage and placing Suzuki badges on the tank, because Suzuki never made a rotary engined bike. (doh!).I was at a bike show with my 1950 Series C Vincent Black Shadow, when an older lady asked if it was an old Harley... I said "No Mamn, It's a Vincent". The fellow with her looked right at me and said "That thing ain't a pimple on a Harley Davidson's A##" I was riding one of my old HD's (1970 FLH police) and a fellow came up to me and said that my bike was beautiful... Except for the saddle. He thought it would look much better if it were black, (it is a white leather "tractor" seat) I asked him what color the saddle was on his 1970 FLH? He responded, that he did not have one. I said, "I thought so"... He didn't get it.I could go on for hours...Best,Jess Stockwell

[berry_jr]

A rider of an oriental machine pulls up next to me having just stopped a bit sharpish on the Commander (with the resultant haze). "Your valves are worn mate"!

[FloridaMike]

and anyone else with a Deek is bound to have had, 'Is it really 2000cc?'

What? It isn't?Customer comes into my shop (Outrider of Miami, back in 1970) and wants to know if I have parts for Honda."Yes, what kind of Honda is it?"Puffs up his (scrawny) chest and proudly announces "A RED one!"I'm in an electronics surplus store in Orlando, someone thinks he recognizes me and asks if I am interested in old motorcycles, he has one he wants to sell.(think to self, please Lord, not another Honda Dream)We go look - sound of my jaw hitting floor - ten minutes and $2,500 later I am the owner of a 1968 Munch TT1000, serial number 24, and it is 98% complete and even has a valid Florida title. Dirty, grubby, dusty, tires flat, the odometer shows exactly 498 miles since new. The guy bought it, rode it around a few days and then popped a wheelie which dumped him off and scared him, he stuck it into his garage and left it there for 20 years. Yes, I still have it, and it is undergoing a careful (and painfully slow) restoration.Evidently there is a Santa Claus, and he's a biker . . .Best Regards,FloridaMike

[MrB]

I knew a chap who ran a lawnmower shop near me. He loved Vincents. He had a Rapide and a Black Shadow in his shop which I was admiring whilst buying some starter rope. "You ought to see what I have out the back - a White Shadow". I never heard of such a machine so show me he did. Absolutely gorgeous bike with an ivory tank and polished engine and it looked immaculate. How did he manage to acquire it? An older lady came into his shop and ordered the best ride on mower he had, £3K's worth or so at the time. He delivered it to her house. "Where do you want me to put it?". "In the garage, it's open ready". He opened the door and there was the White Shadow on it's stands and looking dusty. It belonged to her husband who died some 20 years before and it had sat there ever since. She could see he was interested and asked if he would like it. He said he could never afford to give her what it was worth, about £25K then. She said as he was clearly such a fan she'd swap it for the mower. He didn't need asking twice!One day it will happen to me. One day...

[Dell Boy]

Having cruised down the M.6 from Heysham after the T.T. on the F.1. I pulled into the services at the same time as a guy on the latest Fireblade for the second time that night.It was 3a.m. & we had been tramping on at a good pace. Wink,wink,say no more!!He came over to have a look at what bike it was & says, "That goes well [sees the JPS decal on the tank] Oh, its an AJS".I left him still believing that that was what the bike was.Derek

[Hugh]

An elderly couple stopped to admire one of my old British bikes and the husband told me that he rode lots of British machines "back in the old days". Then he declared with cast-iron certainty "The best bike I ever had was a Royal Enfield Square Four. I used to take you out on it, didn't I dear?" She agreed, and the couple smiled fondly in shared recollection of a motorcycle model that never existed.Had he been on his own I would probably have corrected him. However, at that moment I couldn't think of a tacful way to do it, so I decided it would be unfair to risk embarrassing him and spoiling their happiness. Few people have much time for a smart-arse...

[gripper]

In a tiny pub outside RAF Aldergrove, close to the Ulster GP circuit, on seeing my Commando outside, a chap declared that when and because he worked for the home office, he was legally allowed to speed and that his bike was a Norton Dominator 850 back in the mid sixties. Being a very small pub and me not being from round there, it went really quiet when I told him he was talking b----cks. Luckily (for me) he was a well known purveyor of bull---t and I lived to tell the tale.

[FloridaMike]

Re: talking b*ll*cks . . .I usually just nod in agreement and then take my leave. There's no point in talking to these morons and much less in arguing with them. You can't teach them anything, nor should you really try, that's not in your job description and it won't be appreciated anyway.I'd really rather spend my time talking with people who actually do know what they are talking about. (Which is one of the reasons I like this forum.) (Note to self, try not to sprain arm patting self on back . . . )On the bright side, however, talking to morons usually makes for a good story later ;-)Best Regards,FloridaMike

[berry_jr]

Pulled up at red lights in south London on my Interpol resulting in a slight "haze". Another bike pulled up next to me "Your valve guides have gone mate!" My reply "It has n't got any valves" which received a look of confusion.

[gripper]

I've had two in a week. A bloke in a filling station comes up to me and asks, " Is that a Hesketh?" and just today at the Cholmondley Pageant of Power I got asked "Is that a Desmo?" One has to wonder what someone like that was doing at a petrol based event. That aside, if you are a petrol head I can recommend this event, though I can say it has p--sed down for the last three years I've been going.Dave E